Evening Hosts Lampoon Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Residency Program

Late-night's leading comedians devoted the broadcast ridiculing former President Donald Trump's recently announced immigration initiative, called the "Trump card," characterizing it as a blatant cash-for-residency system for the wealthy.

Stephen Colbert's Witty Spin

Starting his broadcast, Stephen Colbert delivered a sardonic Christmas tune about the president. "He is compiling a list, reviewing it twice, before handing that list to the agents at ICE," he intoned. "The President ... spoils all he touches."

Colbert's target was the new program that allows foreign nationals to buy U.S. legal status for a sum of $1 million dollars, with a "top-tier" tier for 5 million. An official website pledges approval "faster than ever."

"One message here to affluent foreigners: before you pony up, have you considered Canada?" Colbert joked.

He explained that the scheme is also intended to "squeeze cash" from firms wanting to hire foreign workers, with significant fees. "That's a lot of fees, however if you register, you additionally get a complimentary stay at a property of your choosing – if it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he said.

"The most thorough vetting the U.S. government has before done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to verify these people truly are eligible to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert responded. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Commentary

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"This is a card that will permit affluent overseas citizens to live here," he stated. "For a million dollars, you get official resident status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one significant crime of your choice."

"Maybe it's time to revise that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your tired masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel teased the brevity of the form, saying it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Indeed, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Economic Struggles

On another network, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's plunging approval ratings amid financial worries. "The public gave Donald Trump a second term since they were upset about the economy," he said.

Recently, in a attempt to discuss affordability, Trump held a briefing in front of a selection of grocery items, where he behaved peculiarly to some cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a while."

"Trump is so extremely weird," Meyers reacted. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by targeting conservative news defenses of Trump's financial record. "Maybe instead of complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to what FIFA did," he remarked.